Sep 11 • 30M

Theory of Change #086: Nyomi Banks on sex, intimacy, and self-care

How a former porn star is helping fans understand real-life relationships and themselves


Appears in this episode

Matthew Sheffield
Lots of people want to change the world. But how does change happen? History is filled with stories of people and institutions that spent big and devoted many resources to effect change but have little to show for it. By contrast, many societal developments have happened without forethought from anyone. And of course, change can be negative as well as positive. In each episode of this weekly program, Theory of Change host Matthew Sheffield delves deep with guests to discuss larger trends in politics, religion, media, and technology.
Episode details

We live in a world of unprecedented convenience. Many of us can do our jobs entirely remotely. We use our smartphones to do a million different things. Electric cars are commonplace. And you can pretty much get anything delivered in a matter of days, if not hours. There's no doubt that when it comes to commerce and communications, things have never been easier.

But outside of those areas, particularly when it comes to personal relationships, many people are finding modern day life to be anything but convenient. Some people have struggled with making friends or even realizing that they need them. And in many cases, the organizations that used to help us build relationships, like churches and community organizations, are no longer relevant to many [00:02:00] of us.

On the romantic side of things, modern day media, whether explicit or not, has enabled us to know what we find attractive in others, but there's absolutely no guarantee that we can get what we seek. Sure, dating websites and apps have made looking for that special someone easier than ever before, but actually finding relationships that are lasting and meaningful is often very difficult.

I hope you've enjoyed the previous two episodes in this miniseries, and I'm pleased to wrap it up with a conversation featuring Nyomi Banks, a woman who's seen firsthand many of these trends I've just described throughout a very multifaceted public life which began in adult entertainment but has since taken her into a new career as a life coach and personal advice podcaster through her new program, Ask Nyomi: Bridging the Gap.

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Audio Chapters (Full Episode)

02:57 — Ask Nyomi: Bridging the Gap's unusual audience

11:53 — Being spiritual while working in adult film

15:48 — Entering a new career to help her father

26:21 — A brief brush with racism in the porn business

34:29 — Why didn't she see as much racism as others have noted?

38:46 — On "gay for pay" in adult media

40:42 — Has porn made it any easier for regular people to be non-heterosexual?

43:25 — On being spiritual but not Christian or religious

44:31 — Starting and stopping an OnlyFans account

50:48 — Continuing her fan relationships as a lifestyle podcaster

57:33 — Why anti-porn attacks are about social control

01:00:17 — Why you have to love yourself before you can do anything else

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